The summer is over and school is back in session. Kids are getting new bookbags, new clothes, and new class assignments. They are also getting the dreaded extracurricular activity schedules. With those activities come practices, games, rehearsals, competitions, banquets, and any other number of events that children need to attend. These schedules can be overwhelming to any parent, but the challenges are compounded for families that share custody. However, there are small steps separated families can take to prepare for their children’s activity schedules and, hopefully, avoid confusion and disputes throughout the school year.
Share calendar
One of the simplest ways to help align a family’s custody schedule with the activity schedules and the parents’ schedules is to have a shared calendar on which both parents can input and view events. This can be a shared calendar online or over smartphones, or a custody-centered app like Our Family Wizard. If both parents are looking at a complete calendar, they will quickly be able to spot conflicts or gaps in the schedule, and plan accordingly.
Confirm coaches or adults running activities have contact information
The more information each parent has, the easier the scheduling can run. If parents confirm that the coaches or activity leaders have both parents’ correct contact information, they can ensure that both parents are getting complete information about things like schedules, equipment or uniform needs, cancellations, or last-minute changes. While it may not be a parent’s responsibility to ensure their co-parent connects with the coach or leader, taking this proactive step will make both parents better able to plan, and will ensure the children can attend and be prepared for all activities.
Double equipment and uniforms
Although this may not always be possible, financially or otherwise, if you are able to have full sets of equipment and uniforms at both parents’ houses, the children (and parents) will never be scrambling to get a forgotten item from the non-custodial parent’s home for a practice or game. Check with coaches or team leaders to see if the child can be issued two uniforms, so that it does not have to travel with the child during custodial exchanges. Neither the child nor the parents will need to worry about where the child’s uniform or equipment is, and this will eliminate the need for last-minute trips to the other parent’s house to retrieve things left behind.
Check exchange times with practice and games
As activity calendars are not beholden to custody schedules, there is a good chance that conflicts can occur. Make sure to review these times, and confirm which parent is dropping the child off and which parent is picking the child up. Parents may want to consider temporarily adjusting custodial exchange times to accommodate the child’s activities or to alleviate scheduling conflicts.
Address childcare for other children
More often than not, in families with multiple children, there are multiple activities, and multiple schedules to address at the same time. Before the activities begin, parents should address any overlapping activities or schedules. Regardless of the custodial schedule, parents can cooperate to share in the transportation and childcare of the children. For a custodial parent, this can alleviate the stress of trying to be in multiple places at one time, or it can reduce the cost of paying for childcare to cover gaps in the schedule. For a non-custodial parent, it provides additional time with the child or children that the parent otherwise would not have.
Split events if necessary
In some families, it is not possible for the parties to cooperate fully, or even be in the same room together, without causing unnecessary stress or tension. In those cases, parties should make sure to calendar which parent is attending each event, especially games and performances, in advance. If parents can see in advance which activities their co-parent plans to attend, it can help avoid tension or stress to the family caused by an unexpected run-in.
Ultimately, parents want their children to be active and involved in activities that enrich and challenge them. While those activities can create complications and stress for co-parents, those parents can reduce the stress and enjoy watching their children excel in their activities.
